Moths
I sit in my room bored out of my head studying. Accompanied only by the faint fluttering of wings, I stop and look around, then look up, a single moth, bumping its head on the light bulb. I'm so bored even this looks amusing. I switch on my desk lamp, turn the main light off, and just watch it flitting around the dull light occasionally colliding with the bulb. I observe it at close range, the aerobatics of such a small creature are really quite entrancing. It rests on the lamp, and I move in to get a clearer view, it's soft looking, almost furry. It leaps onto my forehead and I swipe at it, when I next looked I noticed I had broken its wing, I probably should have put him out of his misery but I couldn't do it, I figured I'd just leave the window ajar, and if it wasn't so bad it would make its own way out, if not I'd dispose of her in the morning. It's late I better go to bed, long day tomorrow, I turn out the lights and try to get to sleep. The alarm rings and I get up groggy, ugh what an awful sleep, I can only imagine the strange position I drifted off to. I start to get changed for college, I look at the clock again, then at my phone... and the clocks fast. I sigh. Well there's no point in going back to bed now. When I'm changed I remember the moth, I look on my desk, it's gone, it seems I didn't do so much damage after all, well I guess that should make me feel a little better but I'm still waking up, I can't be bothered right now. I go downstairs and have breakfast, then come back up. I have a brief look around my room, that moth may just have cosied up somewhere, sure I felt bad that I hurt it but I'm not letting it set up home here. Okay, I think it's gone, I sit down and cram some last minute studying before my exam. I get to college and meet up with some friends, one which asked, generally speaking, if we had noticed the unusually large amount of moths around lately, he said he heard on the radio the recent cold snap had prolonged pupation times leading to mass hatchings. I couldn't say I had noticed, I mean one moth is hardly a trustworthy observation. I get into the exam hall, could have done with being better rested but I power through. Finally it's over, pen down, paper closed, I think I did well. I can't do much about it now, but I'm going out later to celebrate all the same. I get home and fall onto the sofa and close my eyes. A fluttering sound starts up, but I just can't be bothered. I'm listening to it, imagining where it is, I open my eyes, aced it. But that's it now, it's had its fun, I grab a paper and guide it out the door, I thought these things were supposed to sleep during the day or something. I just lounge around until evening, I'm going down the pub with some mates to celebrate the end of exams, we had a few drinks and had a laugh, but I can't escape the tiredness that been chasing me all day, I reluctantly leave, but I knew I would only regret staying longer. I say my goodbyes and set off down the street. It was around half twelve, and okay I was a little light headed but I wasn't seeing things, I'm walking along and I kid you not, the walls, you couldn't walk more than a foot without seeing at least 10 moths clinging on. I hear a scream, a woman down the street got caught in a mass of moths that flew from the wall beside her, she's flailing her arms and when they pass she continues frantically pushing off moths, I go to see if she's alright but she just tells me to get lost, then she mutters a comment about the moths, I turn and snap at her "maybe you're the problem, bitch!" she walks away, I try to apologize but the damage is done. What's wrong with me, I never get aggressive at such small things. I get home, I make a sandwich, no two sandwiches, and a packet of crisps. Again... that's not like me, but I'm feeling awful hungry. I then go to the bedroom, I see a moth on the outside of my window, a fairly large one at that, I leave the light on and the curtains open and just watch it watching me. I slept well that night, nearly 12 hours. I wake up hungry, I grab a snack and head out for lunch. I see a fair few moth's in shady corners. It's kind of... comforting. I sit at a table browsing the menu, I ordered a salad, and two milkshakes, and plate of chips. I hate myself, I hate this urge to eat, what a glutton, and I don't even care what the other customers think. On my way out, I hear someone shout in disgust about a moth in their meal, it daintily flies onto the wall, and a waiter comes to swat it, he lifts a magazine but I pull his hair back making him fall the ground, the moth flies carelessly out of the door, I apologize again and again, I chuck him some money and run out. I'm in a park. Just sitting in the shade under a tree. What's happening to me? I look up, hundreds of moths hanging from the branches, one flutters down onto my hand, and I just watch it. It crawls up my arm, then flies back up into the tree. It's all rather peaceful. Then the hunger returns, not even an hour after lunch, I go to the local shop and buy a bunch of chocolate bars, bread and several bags of salad. I go home and scoff down the bread, I don't feel sick... I just eat... then sleep. I woke up late in the evening. I go to the garden and just sit and watch the moths become active, it's like autumn, but with moths flitting in the breeze. I'm sitting there making my way through the chocolate bars, I must look disgusting. But I don't care, I feel so careless, I drift off where I sit and wake up to a chill, its dark, I go inside have some salad and cosy up in bed, I look at the window. There it is... my friend, the moth, it watches me... when it's there I know everything's going to be okay. My friends check up on me... but I don't think... I don't think they'll understand me. So push them away. I deliberately make them hate me... and it makes me smile. I... don't... need... them... ANYWAY! My anger fades into laughing... I. I have... the moths. I live life at a basic level for the following few weeks, I swiftly get through my savings stocking up on salad and various food stuffs continuing my appalling eating habits' and sleeping excessively... but I am content... I AM! There are far fewer moths now. I don't know how long moths live but the moth at the window still watches me. One night I wake up, what is that? I'm under my covers, but I feel a crawling sensation, the safest place in the world... and... I can feel something crawling, I feel some things writhing under my covers. I jump up the light is on but I see nothing, I look at the window. The moth is fluttering around, trying to get to light probably... but... but wait... I hadn't noticed it before, but it had one wing that didn't appear as strong as the other... I realized... I realized, this was the moth from all those weeks ago. I am so happy I almost cry. I knew it wouldn't be ungrateful, its guarding me. I go back to sleep. The crawling has become increasingly frequent, nearly every night, and I don't want it to go, I've grown to love the sensation under my covers, in fact I can only really sleep when its present. I get up the next morning, I'm a prodigy, ungraceful version of myself now, I clear out the fridge, then the cupboards, I've spent all my savings on food. I lay in my bed, all the windows have been open for days to welcome the moths in, but my friend at the window only looks on through the now smeared and unclean glass... The house is the coldest its ever been but I leave the windows open... I wrap up under my covers the writhing begins, I close my eyes... and the fluttering from so many weeks ago runs through my mind... its so... perfect. I open my eyes. There it is... my friend, on my face, it startles me and I gasp, it crawls in... and I let it... I begin to gag and I vomit a sticky web like substance. I continue to throw up but I am happy, tears of joy stream down my face! I'm becoming fused to my covers... my... pupa!... Still smiling, caterpillars begin to feast from the inside out... I'm laughing as the caterpillars get their fill and begin to cocoon me... still smiling I lay dormant, still conscious... dying, but at peace with my... My children. Category:Mental Illness Category:Animals